Monday, July 13, 2009

Hawk is 3 today

Wow! It doesn't seem like 3 years ago I gave birth to my beautiful little indianbaby. Hawk is 3 today, and although he is still in bed I am fixing to make him biscuits and gravy for breakfast and wake him up with lots of kisses (I would wake him every morning like that as I do Curt, but Hawk just isn't a morning person- but I'm hoping he doesn't mind as today is as special for him as it is for me. You see I didn't think I would be able to carry children. Due to lots of complications and a severe case of hypothyroidism that got way out of hand before it got better. However, my life long dream was to be a mom and I was content being a stepmom and mom of 1 if that was all I was able to have. Then God gave me my second son in April of '08, but today is the day that I thought could never happen and so it is so special and dear to me.

I feel very anxious lately. I think it is because of quitting the church. I hope to try out a new one that we have been invited to (that my kids attend for their Youth group) and I hope that it is the one God wants us at, however I will not settle at one untill I know it's where He wants us at this time. I have never felt right at my DHs grandfathers church, but continued to go for him. However, after someone was very ugly to my baby I decided I had had enough. I even blamed it on our Southern Baptist religion, but after lots of prayers and talking to other SB friends I realize I was wrong to blame our religion and realize there are personal reasons this woman is ugly to my children, but instead of coming to me as an adult (not that I can change her problem) she takes it out on my children and I have a major problem with that, but instead of creating drama that would surely start if I said anything about this issue I have decided to just leave the church that I have never felt right at anyway.

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